the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
