Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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