hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize