I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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