Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
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