The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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