Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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