Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
