You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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