I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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