so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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