Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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