This is not my ceiling
i already hear my dad disowning me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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