did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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