before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
not ubering you a puppy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
