and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You pole danced in your parka.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He did a backflip because drugs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
