New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
