Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
