which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
