yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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