Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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