and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
