oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
