rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
