so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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