Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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