you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
