my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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