porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
