I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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