Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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