Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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