Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
