My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
