weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
