mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
