it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
