he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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