Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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