Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
