I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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