If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
