I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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