We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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