I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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