we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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