we have officially lost it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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