Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
