You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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