just come out here and I will go home with you...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
