Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
