so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
