We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
