i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
