Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
