I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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