speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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