3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
