Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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