jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
