You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
