I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
